Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Shocking News!!! Or, “Thank you Capt. Obvious!”

The world was stunned today by the release of a study’s results in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology. In this ground breaking research, scientists have finally answered one of the questions long plaguing mankind:

“Why does the hard eight you left the bar with last night look like a generous four the next morning?”

My friends, science has found the reason for beer goggles and the culprit is, wait for it, beer. Yes, I’m as shocked as you.

“The average guy tends to perceive more women as being sexually interested after a few drinks and be more likely to make mistakes about what a woman feels," says study co-author Teresa Treat, an associate professor at the University of Iowa.

The folks in Hawkeyeland must be so, so very proud today. I hope they kept the receipt for whatever money they paid for this research.

Fergodsakes, Jamie and Adam did this same study on Mythbusters in the not-so-distant past. Instead of reading an APA journal article, just go here to see the team from M7 confirm the “myth” of beer goggles.

And in further news from the world of medicine, doing meth is not a good idea for pregnant women. Really?

According to another the MSNBC article (guess where I spent my lunch?), “[the] team compared health factors such as preterm delivery and uncontrolled high blood pressure, and for almost every factor the researchers measured, the meth users and their babies fared worse.”

I must agree with the snark in the article: Shocking.

Finally, the article titled “Remove what from where? Orifice surgeries expand” wasn’t about what I thought it was going to be about. While I thought it might be stories about surgeons having to remove strange objects from the interesting and embarrassing places lonely people had put them, sadly, it wasn’t.

I feel so cheated.

In fact, the story is about new surgical techniques like, literally, removing a person's stomach through their mouth as part of a weight-loss surgery.

All together now: Ewwwww.


magnolia said...

i wish someone would pay me to write obvious things like meth being bad for pregnant ladies...

Liebchen said...

It's amazing to think where some of that research money goes. I'm all for new and interesting studies, but let's make them *new* AND *interesting.*

Lemon Gloria said...

Stomach through mouth!?! Eeeeeeee!

FoggyDew said...

magnolia - as a reporter I wrote stories that would make you go "duh" but at least I didn't publish them as "research."

Liebchen - this just in: Water is wet!

LG - Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

Alice said...

well crap. there goes my incentive for getting pregnant. if i can't do meth the whole time for the good of the baby, WHY BE PREGNANT.

...uh, i assume that's why that study was conducted? for all 6 people who thought that?

FoggyDew said...

Alice - I dunno, I have a feeling those six people probably don't read too good. Also, let me add, you're in remarkable shape for a tweaker.

Sebastian said...

I've only been drunk on beer once, and that was when I was 16, in the presence of my best friend at the time, who was a guy.

We got QUITE amorous, but not THAT amorous...