Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Mom-centric TMI Edition

It was the summer of 1994, one of the best summers of my life.

I'd gotten out of the Marine Corps the previous year, had just finished up a part-time schedule of classes at Chapel Hill and been accepted as a full-time student for the following fall. My youngest brother, who'd just been commissioned a Marine second lieutenant, and I had an entire summer to wile away with beer, booze, women and friends. That and rebuild the retaining wall in front of our parent's house. And a mighty wall it is, still standing strong and proud these 14 long years later. (The wall it replaced, designed and built by my father, a civil engineer I might add, had crumbled after a mere six or seven years.)

But that was just busy work to justify the amazing amount of drinking we did during those three months. If there was a bottle of beer, a fifth of whiskey or an unattached woman in or around the city of Pittsburgh, they weren't safe.

Life was indeed good.

The came the day my mom asked me for some help cleaning out her dresser. Like an idiot, I agreed.

"No problem Mom. We'll knock that right out."

So, there I was, helping Mom as she dug through years of detritus layered in her dresser drawers. Just as we were finishing up, she found a little notebook right in the bottom.

Perhaps all the drinking that summer had dulled my finely honed Marine sense of danger. Perhaps I was thinking ahead to that night's entertainment. Either way, I was utterly and completely unprepared for what came next.

"Do you know what this is?" Mom asked as she flipped to a couple of pages covered in columns of numbers in the high 90s.

"No, not a clue?" I stupidly asked, still not recognizing the danger.

"It's the chart I kept of my temperature during the months I was trying to get pregnant with you."


charlotteharris said...

awwww that's a sweet story, not TMI at all!

FoggyDew said...

Charlotte - you weren't there. It was TMI to me and horribly damaging to my psyche. Here was Mom remembering doing it with Dad (several times) right in front of me. I almost wished I was back in the Saudi desert. Far, far away.

Arjewtino said...

Charlotteharris' comment encapsulates the key difference between men and women when it comes to hearing this story.

Any woman who has ever cooed over a baby will find this story cute.

I, however, winced at the last line and felt nothing but pain for you.

LiLu said...

Yeah, I dunno, that definitely would have squeamed me out. Like the time I found my mom's diaphragm.

FoggyDew said...

Tino - Thank you brother. We've all got to hang together on this or we will surely hang apart.

You know, so to speak.

FoggyDew said...

LiLu - And we have a front-runner for the first place TMI comment on a TMI post.

Diaphram eh? Did she try to pass it off as something else or did you know exactly what it was the second you had it in your hand?

f.B said...

ughh. i don't even.. ughh. not cool. i've never believed that men are from mars and women from venus. but i'm from whatever place in the universe there is where that kind of mother-son sharing would be totally unacceptable.

unfortunately for you, really good TMI

Shannon said...

Well, at least you weren't an "Oops Baby"

FoggyDew said...

f.B. - The balance of the day was a bit strained.

Shannon - True, but remember I have brothers 18 and 31 months younger than me. Apparently they were just enjoying themselves.

Lisa said...

I do think this is a sweet moment. To think I was actually worried about what you found in your mom's drawer. And it's not as if she went on to say, "And the time we conceived you, we did it on the front lawn."

FoggyDew said...

Lisa - Some how, some way, some day, I will show your future child your post about peeing on a stick. We will then compare reactions.

Lisa said...

Hahahahaha! You've got me there.

JoLee said...

The worst Mom and sex story (those two words just don't sound right together!) I have is the time I skipped school in 10th grade and came home early. Apparently my mom had the same idea b/c when I walked in the house I could totally hear her and my stepfather humping. I was horrified. I turned right around and actually walked back to school.

*shudder* ewwww -it still creeps me out to this day.

FoggyDew said...

JoLee - I really don't know how to respond to that one, the imagery is too intense. Did you ever tell your mom this incident and the scaring on your soul? Be funny if you did.