Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Membership drive

All right, I’m officially beginning the movement for a new party, the Luddite Party. I’d say I’m about to above average in the “tech-savvy” department. Hell, being a guy I love all things with electrons running through their silicon and copper veins.

But I just saw something that’s making me rethink this whole “information superhighway” thingy.

Not only have I been in meetings where the attendees spend more time with their noses in their Crackberries than paying attention to the person running the meeting, I’ve been the person running the meeting. That shit's just rude. And, just today, in the lobby of my building, I saw a woman standing dead, stock still as she scrolled through whateverthehellitwas on her dealer device getting her electron fix.

I’ll even personally admit to maybe, just maybe, checking a score or two while sitting in what an old roommate called “the Reading Room.”

But all of these examples of electron dependence fall so far short of what I just saw. In fact, I’m having a hard time believing I actually saw what I saw.

A short while ago, during a journey to the men’s, the guy two pissers over (leaving the obligatory vacant space) looked up from his biz and greeted me with a “Hey man.” Despite this shocking breech of bathroom etiquette, I gave an upward nod of the head in return. And then saw what I saw.

Dude had his dick in one hand and his electron crack pipe in the other checking his email. There is nothing in the world delivered via email that’s so, so very important it can’t wait 37 seconds. I'm guessing you'd probably get to it even faster and with fewer chances of an "accident" if you waited those seconds, finished, shook and zipped before scrolling.

Even if illicit North Korean nukes are screaming toward the West Coast at 25 times the speed of sound (about 19,000 mph) I’m sure the Prez, who’s famous for his Crackberry addiction, would put it aside for a moment to take a leak in peace. Yanno, before showing Kim Jong-il what a real nuke looks like.

As much as I’d want an iPhone or Crackberry myself, it’s scenes like these keeping me on the straight and narrow and away from the electron dealers.

14 comments:

Ella said...

i admit i am adddicted to my iphone - but mostly because the IT folks at work have all the best websites blocked from our pc's. ok - so the first step is admitting the addiction. step two would be what - the desire to change? nah... not there yet.

Malnurtured Snay said...

I listen to my iPod in the restroom here, but that's it (and it's in my shirt pocket, so I don't actually have to touch it while I'm, y'know, peeing). However, at least once a month, I have to send out an e-mail to the whole staff: "Did anyone forget their blackberry in the middle stall about five minutes ago? It's at my cube." It's my office's version of the walk of shame.

FoggyDew said...

Ella - Perhaps a 13 step program is in order here. Why 13, well, 'cause it's better. Also, you have to admit there is a certain difference between you playing with your Apple during, and a guy doing the same, eh? At least both your hands are free.

Snay - What would be really funny is if it was a woman who came to collect.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Foggy -

Oddly enough ...

Liebchen said...

Oh, wow. I mean, I'm addicted, too, but I don't take it to the bathroom with me. Also, I hate when people that stop right in the middle of the sidewalk because they *have* to check an email. And clearly scrolling and walking is too much to ask.

FoggyDew said...

Liebchen - God forbid they try and chew gum at the same time - their heads might explode.

LiLu said...

To chastize this man would be to pretend I haven't brought my iTouch with me to the can...

And we all know that's not true.

Or, if you didn't, now you do!

Fearless in Toronto said...

"There is nothing in the world delivered via email that’s so, so very important it can’t wait 37 seconds."

Yeah, and dont'cha just love the garbled, misspelled responses? Sometimes it is so clear that the partner didn't even bother to read past the fourth line. If that.

FoggyDew said...

LiLu - I gotta ask: Do you leave it on vibrate while you're in there?

Fearless - That's what happens when you try to "multitask."

JoLee said...

maybe he wasn't checking email-- maybe he was watching porn and maybe he wasn't peeing- he was rubbing one out.

would that make it a little better?

FoggyDew said...

JoLee - No, not really. If he was he showed a stunning lack of judgement, there are stalls three feet away.

Zandria said...

That's scary stuff. I like my technology as much as anyone else, but I'm not going to check my iPhone while I'm doing my business! :)

FoggyDew said...

Zan - Bravo to you. Bravo.

speener said...

At least I can say I've never talked on my iphone in the bathroom - I can't stand that. I have checked email in a stall. What I need to stop is checking it while out to dinner - it's so addicting, especially during baseball season.

On another note - what's up with that guy greeting you? Next thing you'll tell me he was at the middle urinal.