Kris Kross

Dig that 90’s vintage title, eh? Well, this has nothing at all to do with Mac Daddy and Daddy Mac.

Unless, of course, they happen to be “krossing” the street here in the national capitol area and have to jump. Or anywhere else for that matter.

I was wondering this morning, again, why it is I have to wait for slow ass pedestrians to amble their way akross the street with their fanny pacs and strollers and coolers and various and sundry other crap? A corollary thought: Why is it whenever I’m krossing (OK, last time I’ll do that) a street in D.C. or in Arlington or Old Towne, am I taking my life in my hands as I stare down impatient drivers with glazed eyes ready to gun their hybrids, Minis and smart cars through the intersection?

One of the biggest problems I’ve noticed when it comes to the automobile-pedestrian interface, aside from the one that occurs when metal contacts flesh, are caused by peds trying to cross the street when cars trying to turn and cars trying to turn when peds are trying to cross. Like matter and anti-matter, the two can’t exist in the same space, which we should give a fancy name like...like…the carbon-iron crumple zone or hemato-hardtop amalgam area.

Getting hit by a car sucks some major ass (trust me on this). And, unfortunately, we are graced here in the nation’s capital with potent mix to pour into the HHAA: Some of the dumbest drivers in the country, hoards of invading tourists (tourons for you locals) and an army of self-important navel-gazing locals too plugged into their iPods and Crackberries to notice the world ending around them let alone the grandmother from Nebraska bearing down on them in her Olds. And, in case I forget, our friends and neighbors who make use of their pedal-propelled two-wheelers often just add to the chaos. It’s like mixing Octol with Cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine and dipping the whole thing in trinitroglycerin for that extra special finish.

I’m constantly surprised there aren’t fatal car v. pedestrian accidents (as my friend, The Doc, and his colleagues call them in the ER) every. single. day.

So, I got to thinking, how could we make life safer for peds and less of a potential insurance nightmare for drivers? And, I’m sure I’m not the first to come up with this idea, but how about making sure the two groups never (legally) attempt to share the same space at the same time.

What’s the busiest intersection in D.C. pedestrian (touron) and car-wise? I’d have to go with one of the ones along Constitution Avenue. Say the one at 12th Street Northwest where the tunnel from I-395 spills into the city.

Wouldn’t it be easier and safer for everyone involved, to have the cars moving at one time and the pedestrians at another? Instead of having drivers trying to make turns through the people in the crushwalk, oh, I mean crosswalk, and who among us hasn’t been brushed by a bumper (or done the brushing), how about having red lights going all four ways.

And you’d have the following:

A friend of mine said, when I mentioned this idea, “But there’s no way I could make it across two streets, so I’d have to wait twice.” Well, my friend, you already have to wait twice, and with my plan you could cut your waiting time in half.

.

Without the fear of cars in the intersection, you could cross from one corner (A) to the opposite corner (C) without having to go to (B) along the way. In fact, during one “Walk” cycle pedestrians could, if they so choose, go from A to B, and A to D, as well as B to A, B to C, B to D, C to A, C to B, C to D, D to A, D to B, and D to C. I think I got ‘em all there.

And then, when the signs say “Don’t Walk” drivers would be free. Free to turn left or right or go straight. Or, if they’re so inclined and as a friend of mine once said, “I can’t go straight, but I can go gaily forward,” which I’ve always thought was a great comment when receiving directions.

I know it would probably take a bit of effort to sync up all the different cycles (just like my ex and her suite mates back in Chapel Hill), but I bet once it was working it’d be gooood.

So, would it work? What haven’t I thought of?