Friday, December 4, 2009

Why is it called “golf”? Because all of the other good four-letter words were taken…

For my first, and I swear to God, only foray into the whole Tiger-Elin thing, let’s take a look and have some fun at their expense. Why? Hell, why not?
My boss emailed these to me (he's the same guy who sent me the Mountie joke a couple of weeks ago, and I figured I’d pass them along. Enjoy.
Q. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?
A. Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
– Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below par.
– What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing
– Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
– Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. The clubs will be called "Elin Woods" ..."Clubs you can beat Tiger with." [Ed. - This one is probably my favorite just because I can see someone trying this if they actually get divorced.]
– Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family – his new name? Cheetah
– Since Tiger drives an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?
– “Hello Mister Woods this is On*Star. We have detected an angry person has put a golf club through your window. We are contacting Nike for a replacement driver.”
– And finally, the thought that was going through most of our minds: Who amongst us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find?
Busy weekend ahead including the Tar Heels' game against Kentucky tomorrow, my pal Brandon's "I'm now old enough to be president" birthday party and, on Sunday, Christmas tree shopping with my brother and niece and nephew. Hopefully, somewhere along the line, I'll be able to squeeze in a bike ride...if the weather cooperates. If not, I've got a plan for that as well.
Have a great weekend everyone.


Brando said...

Tiger Woods is a lot like a baby seal in that he got clubbed by a Scandanavian.

See you tomorrow!

Liebchen said...

Ha - I heard the wood and the iron one over Thanksgiving, and initially thought, too soon. But I'm loving this list. And I agree with you - I can see someone trying the Elin Woods clubs.

Sebastian said...

I've never experienced such a high density of groaners...

FoggyDew said...

Brando - hehehehe

Liebchen - Won't happen till she divorces him...and walks away with $300m

Seb - Ba dum baa. Sorry, couldn't help myself.