Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Well, that's a new one...

While I don't normally delve too deeply into my personal life here, what just happened deserves a word or two. Or more.

This, this here is me:

Yep, dumped.

It's not that it hasn't happened before, cause it has, but I've never quite been dumped like I was tonight. But more on that in a minute.

When I got stood up on our first date, albeit on the night before Thanksgiving (but that was her idea), I should have said that's that. But I didn't. I'm a forgiving type who recognized that night was a stretch and, hey, no harm no foul.

We met up the next week (she paid since she'd stood me up) and I decided, hey, she's pretty nice, let's see where this goes. It next went to a Caps game, which she was late for. Anyone seeing a pattern? While I was waiting at RFD she texted to say "sorry, got stuck at the office xmas party, be there as soon as I can." But the idea is to spend time together and get to know each other and we only missed the first period or so.

Fast-forward to Christmas week, right after the big snow. We had plans to meet for dinner, you know, the third-week or so dinner at a place nicer than any you've been to before that you're really looking forward to because, hey, this might be going some place. I was on my way out the door and I got a text saying "just hit an ambulance. Don't think I'm going to make it." We ended up getting together later that night at her place and were just kinda, together. She'd had a rough day and I figured the best thing I could do was be there for her.

Skip ahead to today.

I hadn't seen nor hear hide nor hair of her since New Years Day.

Then I got a text tonight saying, basically, "i don't think it's working." It didn't say that exactly, but that's the gist. While I'm not going to read it again (did that enough already), I've decided not to delete this text manually, but let it quietly, and naturally, expire out of my inbox. Soooo, if I happen to get a bunch of texts over the next couple of days the process will be hastened.

Aside from the staggeringly abrupt end of what I thought was something that might be going interesting places, I have to say seriously? A break-up by fucking text message? What the fuck is that?

What the hell ever happened to common, fucking courtesy? The best you can hope for is for someone to have the guts to face you and tell you how they feel. After that, doing it by phone they have the comfort of not facing you, but they at least have to personally explain to you what's happening.

But a text message? That's just cowardly.

28 comments:

Lemon Gloria said...

Yes, cowardly. She doesn't deserve you. And all I can say is, better this happened in a short span of time than a long one - because I think that's indicative of other personality flaws. I'm sorry about that, though. It feels bad.

Shannon said...

One word for you: toenails. Two words for you: good riddance. You deserve better. She sounds flaky and self-involved.

imgonnabreakyourheart said...

File under: Not Good Enough For You. Onward and upward.....NEXT!

Brando said...

As LG stated, better to have that happen sooner than later--that amount of flakiness and lack of consideration is enough to tell you you're lucky to be out of it and can move on to better and more deserving women.

FoggyDew said...

Lemmon - Yeah, she doesn't (that would be my ego speaking) and yeah, she does, as in have other personality flaws. But for some reason, flaws attract me. Gotta resist that in the future.

Shannon - It is good riddance, I know that, but it still hurts a bit (if for no other reason than the waste of a perfectly good Caps tix). And she was a bit self-involved.

imgonna - Working on that, but it's moments like these that make me suspect most women.

Brando - and alcohol. Definitely alcohol. Lots of it.

Liebchen said...

Oof, I'm so sorry. And I have to agree with you on the cowardly. I hate that conversation, but even so, I always try to do it in person.

You deserve *much* better.

Zipcode said...

wow that's rude and you don't deserve that. I am beginning to hate text messaging. I have been talking to some guy now since Thanksgiving and have yet to hear his voice and the face we should have met by now is just as lame.

Good Luck -- you are a great, good looking guy - its her loss

mndmazes said...

The same thing just happened to me - except the text came on New Years Day. Beyond cowardly.

At least you can be sure that it's not only the women that are so insensitive.

FoggyDew said...

Liebchen - It is a toughie, no question about it. If nothing else, you at least owe the person an after action report about why you're ditching the person (i.e. b.o., spinnach in their teeth, stupidity...).

Zip - Txts are not messages, they're a means of meeting planning. "I'll be at X at Y:30." Way back in the day my buddy used to page his girlfriend "143" whenever he wanted to say "I(1) love(4) you(3)."

mnd - Women definitely don't have the corner on that market. Sorry your NY was screwed over. Not for nothing, ever seen Strangers on a Train? (Kidding, kidding.)

Titania said...

Ugh, what an effing wimp!! I am sorry, Foggy, you deserve so much better than that...

lacochran said...

You are wise to pick up on patterns. She sounds like she's a mess. You don't need that. You deserve much better and you will find much better! Fresh year ahead...

Kate said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck. Sigh. I think part of it is that we give SO many chances after bad behavior on their part and then, WHAT? YOU'RE breaking up with ME? It stinks all around. Sorry about that.

FoggyDew said...

Titania - Truer words were never said ;)

la - I wouldn't say mess, perhaps she was so strongly attracted she was afraid of losing herself in the deep abyss of Foggy...oh wait a minute, who the hell adm I kidding. Anyway, I didn't actually set out to trash anyone or anything here except my own impaired judgement.

Kate - That's what life and, well, not love at this stage, but definitely like-like, are all about: learning boundries and figuring out where you fit within them.

Date the District said...

Yes, this sucks, but when a girl starts blowing off dates or showing up late, it's probably not a great sign. If you had started ignoring her/playing hard to get after the first incident, she might not have blown you off.

FoggyDew said...

Date - You're right, it wasn't a good sign and you give sound advice. But, while that might work for some, but I've never really been into the whole playing games thing. Just like I don't want someone to waste my time, I'm not going to waste their's either.

Brett said...

Ugh. So very cowardly.

For what it's worth, she reminded me of My Cousin Vinny.

The Euclid said...

So if I'm understanding this right, you had exactly two dates with this woman, very unspectacular dates by your own description? If that's all there was, that doesn't even count as a relationship and therefore ending it barely counts as dumping.

For that reason, I'm gonna go against the grain here and say she owed you nothing, and that taking a text "dump" was slightly cold but not inappropriate.

Getting dumped sucks no matter how its done, and actually dumping sucks, too. Resenting her for being honest with you, or even worse drawing conclusions about women in general ("it's moments like these that make me suspect most women") isn't cool. Suck it in, man up, move on.

The Euclid said...

ps, "Date the District's" advice, "If you had started ignoring her/playing hard to get after the first incident," is terrible advice, unless you really want to make others miserable and spend your short time on earth with the type of people who respond to that. People like to dish out that "Rules" type of stuff, but in the long run nothing works out better than being yourself.

FoggyDew said...

Brett - I think she may have been taller...

Euc - As I mentioned at the top, I don't normally get too personal in this space and I didn't reveal the entire history here. Suffice it to say there were many more than two dates, terms of endearment were exchanged and feelings were expressed. Common courtesy would have been nice.

Also, as this is your first visit to the Foggy Dew, you probably don't realize that I have personal and, in many cases, long-term relationships with just about everyone who commented here. Either face-to-face or through long electronic communications, I know all of them except mnd, but she seems like my kind of people, and Date who I've read in the past. When I say something like "It's moments like these..." imgonnabreakyourheart understands the comment was made tongue in cheek and with an overly dramatic shake of the head. That in mind, I look forward to seeing your comments in the future.

LiLu said...

Just sent you a text purely for the purpose of helping THAT one disappear, ASAP.

Ugh.

Sebastian said...

Ah... the pain of not knowing!

I've only had one relationship that ended in that kind of mystery. I had to wait a few years to find out why she'd dumped me.

Sucks... always sucks.

But hey, it was her, not me... :)

[F]oxymoron said...

That's immature and inexcusable. If this were middle school, or even high school, I could understand. But a grown ass woman?

Best not to go there.

Lemmonex said...

Cowardice is not a pretty color on anyone.

FoggyDew said...

LiLu - Thanks for the txt, the other one will soon be just a memory.

Seb - The not knowing is hard, but I drank a bunch of $2 Miller High Lifes Saturday night to help erase the memory.

Foxy - Not going there, check!

Lem - Agreed. I wonder, what color is cowardice? Probably whatever the longest crayon is in the box of 64.

Two Shorten the Road said...

I'm sorry about how things worked out with the girl. One thing to keep in mind -- you want to be with someone who really WANTS to see you and shows you that by her actions. If she's disappearing, showing up late, not putting you first *ever*, then find someone who does. The right person will.

FoggyDew said...

Two - Good advice all the way around.

007 in Africa said...

Damn! I've got to read your blog on a regular basis. I would have sent you a text asap to let the other expire out of the inbox!

Anonymous said...

My friend and I were recently talking about how we as human beings are so hooked onto electronics. Reading this post makes me think back to that discussion we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.


I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as memory becomes less expensive, the possibility of transferring our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about every once in a while.


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