Friday, May 7, 2010

Divinely inspired humor

It's been said everyone needs to have a goal. My nephew's in town this weekend and the boy, who's 12, has a goal and it's a good one. His goal, you ask, well, he wants to see a baseball game in every major league park. So far I think he's seen the Yankees - both old and new Yankee Stadium - the Mets - Shea and Citi Field - (care to guess where he lives?) and, I think, the Red Sox and the Cubs. Tomorrow, he gets to add Nationals Park to his list. Considering how much it cost, I think we got a pretty good ballpark out of the deal.

I talked to my sister last night and she said he's really looking forward to the game, as am I. It's the first game of the year for me, and that's always something special. Especially since the Nats are approaching mediocrity.

Changing the subject, it's been a while since we've had a Friday joke, so here's one I recently came across. All periods of time stated in this joke are approximations.

God was missing for six days.

On the seventh day, Michael, the archangel, found him - resting. He inquired, “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael. Look what I have made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I've put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test Balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, “I’m confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example,” he said, “northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”

God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work (and kissing up to the boss a bit) then pointed to a land area and asked, “What's that one?”

“That's Virginia, the most glorious place on earth,” God said. “There are beautiful mountains, ocean, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills and plains. The people from Virginia are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”

God smiled, “Right next to Virginia is Washington, D.C. Wait’ll you see the idiots I put there.”

Oh, c'mon, like you didn't see that one coming. Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck, I say. Have a great weekend.

Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd...


J said...


Brando said...

J, sounds like something's caught in your throat...

magnolia said...

hahaha... oh, virginia. i got my undergraduate education in the old dominion. i'm not so sure i agree with that characterization of virginians, though; in my seven years there, all i really noticed about a lot of them (ESPECIALLY in the richmond area) is how great they thought virginia is, and how great they are for being virginians.

but where am i moving back to next week? northern virginia. :)

FoggyDew said...

J - Yes?

Brando - Yeah, you never can tell with these D.C. types.

magnolia - Yanno? I've been saying there what we need here in NoVa is another lawyer. As much as Virginians (the ones living outside NoVa, that is) think that, they don't even come close to Texans. Have a good trip and welcome back.

magnolia said...

TEXANS. YES. it's so freaking true. i almost don't count texans; they're like a whole 'nother species (to play off their "it's like a whole 'nother country" slogan).

LiLu said...


The funny thing is, no one IN DC is FROM DC...

Must be something in the water.

FoggyDew said...

magnolia - A whole 'nother species? Never thought of it that way, but that's 'bout right.

LiLu - probably lead. My brother, when he lived on the Hill, used to get free Britta filters from the city because of lead contamination in the water.

Liebchen said...

Hope you guys had fun at the game! I must say, I'm actually shocked at how well the Nats are doing this year. Only 2 games out of first in the division!

FoggyDew said...

Liebchen - I was going to write about it today, but I plead for mercy due to lack of time. It's a good story so hopefully I can get to it tomorrow. Stay tuned.