You ever have one of those "Did I leave the oven on?" thoughts?
Nagging at the back corner of my mind today was the thought "There's something I should be remembering." This, of course, did me little good because the same entity telling me I need to remember something was the same one forgetting what it is I was suppose to be remembering.
Thankfully, I've remembered.
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!
While it may not be a good reason for forgetting, I at least have one. My mom died coming up on nine years ago, and I've gone back and forth each year on the question of whether or not to call my dad. This year's easy, he's out of town and doesn't answer his cell. Ever. He only makes calls from it. So, I don't have to worry about that.
The question is this: What's the protocol on remembering/recognizing birthdays and anniversaries of people who've died? Especially anniversaries where one of the people is still alive and ticking?
5 comments:
I struggle with this, too. Mum's alive. Dad's gone. But we all know when their anniversary is when Dad's birthday was. I don't even want to take it out of my planner but it's not like I need a reminder. Weird.
Like have a key to a house that's gone.
ooh. this one is tricky. i just sorta let people deal with it as they will. when my mom's birthday rolls around, there are always the few relatives who call me up to have a BIG SOAPY DRAMATIC CONVERSATION about it, and that makes me crazy. but there are others who give low-key acknowledgements, and that's actually pretty nice.
the short answer, i guess, is that i don't think there is "a" protocol. it's a pretty individualized situation, i think.
I'd say the main decision in a case like this would be up to the person closest to the deceased--the spouse, say--but that generally it's a good thing to celebrate birthdays or anniversaries of those we lost. It's a nice way to celebrate the people we miss and keep them in our minds.
Yesterday was my grandmother's birthday, too. We always remember it, because something important usually happens around it every few years (graduations, getting new jobs, etc).
Additionally, we've never claimed to be normal in my family... we usually celebrate the anniversary of my mom's divorce from my dad every June!
la - for years my mom's b-day popped up on my computer's calander. It only stopped when I got a new machine.
mags - sounds like you've got a system that works. Funny thing is, maybe it's the whole Irish catholic thing, but my family's kinda the strong, silent type. We don't repress or ignor things, we just accept.
brando - perhaps lighting a candle? would that work?
hannah - An annivorcery party is always a good idea. New jobs huh? Coincidence, I think not.
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