Wednesday, September 15, 2010

An Unoriginal Idea*

I have a friend. A very, very educated friend - he's been through, like, 24th grade. Every once in a while I'll get a text from him that, quite simply, must be shared with the world at large. That said, I'll identify him no further.

Also, I don't think he reads my blog (sadly), so I feel pretty safe posting his missives. One or two of you might recognize the style, but I don't think you'll rat me out.

The Rant

"My GOD...Wal-Mart is an amazing example of what happens when natural selection is halted by misplaced social programs, entitlement mentalities and a philosophy of redistribution. The anthropologist in me can't help but stare in a macabre curiosity typically reserved for only the fringes of human behavior. Like head shrinking or bestiality; you don't want to look but you can't look away. We need to allow for certain Darwinian realities or the human race is SCREWED!!"

My first though about his observations was perhaps it was just the area where he lived. An area, I might add, that has long been the brunt of jokes about the evolutionary success of its residents. Then I realized he'd probably feel the say way about the clientele of a high-end boutique on Rodeo (I like to pronounce it the way they did in Tejas) Drive.

Then I realized he was entirely serious.

*As Mark Hunter said, "All the great themes have been used up and turned into theme parks."


Liebchen said...

Not the point of the post, but whenever I hear/read natural selection, I think of a 10th grade bio video that had a song about the process. And now that song will be in my head all day.

Also, I like the doomed tag.

Titania said...

hahahaha... that is beautiful... he forgot to mention though that, ironically, oxymoron-ically and statistically speaking, those specimens are the least likely to believe in evolution too.

magnolia said...

heh. i second that. though i really have started to realize that stupid and awful aren't limited to the stereotypical locations we think of. it's definitely a different kind of stupid in different places, but it's there.

but i agree wholeheartedly about wal-mart. good lord, that place is awful.

FoggyDew said...

Liebchen - Is it kinda like "the leg bone's connected to the knee bone. The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone..."??

Titania - How right you are. Score one for the Fairy Queen.

magnolia - This one time, at a hockey game, I looked around and posed a question to my brother: "Brother," I queried, "are Pittsburghers just fatter and dumber then average people?" He responded, "Dude, (yes, he began a very philosophical statement with the word 'dude') we're at a hockey game. Think about it (and ended it with a preposition)." Truer words have never been spoken.

Pauline said... certainly proves your friend's point. ;)


Giant Butters said...

But we need places like Wal-Mart (and the people who shop there) to feel better about ourselves, right? Right?

FoggyDew said...

Pauline - The best one was the story about the welfare people bitching about not having enough money for food ... after buying discounted pools.

Butters - I know I do.