Psssst...Inside Info

Yesterday, after a discussion about the election, my co-worker Kim (Sistah Girl to my Lance the Intern, so to speak) sent me this. She got it from her cousin's wife, apparently it's quietly being passed from email-to-email to get the word out.*

It is, I have to say, one of the funnier things I've seen throughout the entire election season.

Good Morning My People –

After watching the final debate the other night, it dawned on me that Obama could actually win this thing. If that happens, there will be a lot of people (some of our co-workers included) who will be afraid that an Obama presidency will usher in the End of Days. They’ll be watching us on November 5 (the day after the election) for signs of the end times.

To keep the peace and keep a lot of folks from getting nervous, I think we should develop a list of acceptable celebrations and behaviors we should probably avoid – at least for the first few days:

1. No crying, hugging or shouting “Thank you Lord” – at least not in public.

2. No high-fives – at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses.

3. No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters.

4. No calling in sick on November 5th. They’ll get nervous if too many of us don’t show up.

5. We’re allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing. Just try to keep from grinning too hard.

6. No singing loudly, "We’ve Come this Far by Faith" (it will be acceptable to hum softly, however).

7. No bringing barbeque ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom for at least a week (no chittlins at all) (this may make us seem too ethnic).

8. No leaving Kool-Aid packages at the water fountain (this might be a sign that poor folks might be getting a break through).

9. No Cupid Shuffle during breaks (this could indicate a little too much excitement).

10. Please no "Moving on Up" music (we are going to try to remain humble).

11. No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you're in your office with the door closed).

12. Please try not to yell – BOOOO YAH!

13. Just in case you're wondering, doing the Running Man, cabbage patch or a backhand spring on the highway is 100 percent okay.

So, for the white folks or, as we're sometimes known, The Man, what suggestions do you have for Nov. 5 to make the day pass more pleasently?

*Although I shouldn't need to point it out, this material is presented in the spirit of fun and there is no, I repeat, NO malicious intent. So get off my ass.