Thursday, February 5, 2009

TMI Thursday: Left or Right?

My brother had a friend in college who went by the unusual moniker of John Mike. Don’t ask me how or why, I don’t know.

But anyway, John Mike and my brother played together on the rugby team and, like all good rugby players, partied hard after their matches. If you’ve ever been to a rugby party, then what comes next probably won’t surprise you one bit. If you haven’t, well…

John Mike’s tradition at these parties was to show up with a Fo’ty of the Bull in each hand and commence to drinkin’. When he finished the first fo’ty, he’d crack the one in his other hand, but keep his grip on the empty so he didn’t have to be bothered with those annoying trips to the bathroom.

Basically a rugby player’s lo-tech version of recycling.

There was only one problem, my brother told me, with John Mike’s system. About halfway through the second fo’ty, when each bottle held a similar amount of golden liquid, John Mike would often forget which bottle was malt liquor and...which one wasn't.

Astonished onlookers would tell him, “John Mike, you’re drinking your own piss.”

To which, John Mike had a simple answer: “Man ain’t no man can’t drink his own piss.”

15 comments:

LiLu said...

In order to make me like beer, my high school boyfriend taped a fo'ty to each hand, and I wasn't allowed to use the bathroom until they were both gone.

If only I'd been so resourceful...

FoggyDew said...

LiLu - I'm laughing...and cringing at the same time. That's a lot of the Bull to handle without a relief valve. Also, didn't know they made wide-mouth fo'tys.

Shannon said...

You didn't know? LiLu has ninja skills...and can hover in space for up to three minutes.

FoggyDew said...

Shannon - apparently ninja-like aim as well.

Lemmonex said...

Oh, I drank out of a boot once at a rugby party. This does not shock me.

Fearless in Toronto said...

I don't think I ever attended a rugby party, but I worked in residence and sent plenty of rugby players to the hospital post-party. Lacrosse players too. That's me...the Angel of Mercy. "How many goldfish did you eat?"

FoggyDew said...

Lem - Now I'm wondering what you did to have to shoot a boot? Don't worry, the alcohol sanitizes the boot...mostly.

Fearless - Should've ignored the lacrosse players, low-class folks that they are. Rugby players, on the other hand, are gentlemen playing a ruffians game. What was the record for imbibed goldfish?

Lisa said...

I'd say that's the only appropriate response in that situation.

Guys in my high school (and of course in tobacco state NC) used to dip and then spit into beer bottles, and occasionally sip the wrong one. I've dipped before, and frankly, would rather drink my own urine than swallow tobacco.

FoggyDew said...

Lisa - I'm just picturing you with a big dip of Skole in your lip. I too once made the mistake of not checking which can I was drinking from and discovered it was a spitoon. Ewwwwww.

Arjewtino said...

If this story didn't come from you, I wouldn't believe it.

Liebchen said...

I'm having a hard time believing that anyone could have such a lax reaction after drinking his own urine. That's foul.

Re Lem drinking out of a boot: My mom's college advice to me was "don't drink jungle juice, and *especially* not out of a trash can." I bet she went to rugby parties.

FoggyDew said...

Tino - Don't know whether or not to take that as a compliment, but I will. Although, I will point out the story is hearsay, I hearsayed it from my brother who has been known to spin a yarn or two. But in this case I believe him.

Liebchen - Well, the guy *was* halfway through his second fo'ty of the Bull, so by that point the piss and the malt liquor probably tasted pretty much the same. As for our parties they were, within our rather unique set of standards, models of decorum.

JoLee said...

We used to play 'Edward 40Hands' in high school ( I started early) which is the same exact thing that Lilu's bf did to her except we did it for fun. The bottles were duct taped to our hands and we couldn't pee, eat, smoke or anything until they were gone.

FoggyDew said...

JoLee - I'd forgotten it's called that. I am now laughing. Imagining LiLu with a 40 taped to each hand. Anyone feel like running with the Bulls?

Fearless in Toronto said...

Foggy: In my humble opinion...anything over zero goldfish is one goldfish too many.